External glimpses of the Tao of Emma Frost
by dhalpin3
Summary: The character of Emma Frost is one of complexity. Her relationship with Scott Summers continues to divide many a fan (team Jean vs. team Emma I suppose). I have always liked her as well, she made a good villain and, to my surprise when I started collecting again after several decades, a good hero as well; with the tendency for very snarky dialog.
1. Chapter 1

**External glimpses of the Tao of Emma Frost**

Author's note: The character of Emma Frost is one of complexity. Her relationship with Scott Summers continues to divide many a fan (team Jean vs. team Emma I suppose). I have always liked her as well, she made a good villain and, to my surprise when I started collecting again after several decades, a good hero as well; with the tendency for very snarky dialog. And being a guy I confess to liking how she dresses.

I believe it is important that readers remember that the inner Emma is not necessarily the external Emma. But what might be the external perceptions of the Tao of Emma?

Emma cares a great deal more then she lets on, I rather liked that Emma sent Kitty a very expensive bottle of Champagne for her bachelorette party (one that apparently cost more then the entire party budget), with a note and a single rose _"Have an astonishing day Ms. Pryde."_

Love her or hate her, I tend to believe that many comic writers try extra hard on Emma's dialog. I only plan this to be one chapter but who knows...

This is a humorous work and I've added a few choice quotes from her Frostieness herself.

 **Part 1: Emma, external perceptions…**

Cleavage is a weapon, usable against both the Male and Female eye. One to check upon the goodies (and elicit envy for those who enjoy its bounty), the other to either likewise check on the goodies or to measure up the competition.

Never miss an opportunity to point out others poor male companion selection criteria, especially Storm's taste in men.

Corollary, never miss an opportunity to remind Kitty about how immature she is, double points for subtle cleavage flaunting as the girl is just lacking in the chest region _. "I love what you've done with the place, Kitty. It looks like every thirteen-year old girl's dream. Where do you keep the unicorns? And oh look, you have a Redhead, how novel."_

White never goes out of style, and is never called the new black.

Doesn't forget to add salt to a wound. For example, when as part of the Phoenix Five she had a few choice words for the defeated Thor why lay at her feet _. "Should have guessed that a boy who takes such girlish effort with his long locks would hit like one. Tell me, have you ever wished a woman to put you on all fours and grab hold of that mane? It's all right. I can keep a secret. Even a god of thunder could use a little whipping now and then. I have such pretty things to dress you in…"_

Or… _"I've had plastic surgery more dangerous than you."_

Or… _"Next time, try walking into traffic. It may hurt less."_

Or… _"What did you expect, I'm me and you're... you."_

Try to act that the opinions of others are worth but little. " _And, yes, I am a massive snob, and there was no need for you all to think it at once._ "

Crushing the misguided beliefs of the young is a blood sport. " _You are still so_ _young_ _. You still believe and_ _trust_ _people... And you wish to be_ _loved_ _. It is of course a_ _character_ _flaw, but a tolerable one. Unfortunately, there is no shortage of pathetically selfish people who will exploit that. Especially boys. One might even consider you first heartbreak / betrayal / eternal virtual imprisonment of the opposite sex to be a rite of passage."_

Cats are wise about many things, one of which is playing with their prey.

Jean Grey, Emma's forever competition for the male eye. _"Superpowers, a scintillating wit, and the best body money can buy...and I still rate below a corpse."_

What makes me such a bitch? Breeding darling, top class breeding.

Never let anybody out bitch you. _"You're so unpleasant even I'm impressed. Do you visit orphanages to explain there's no Santa?"_

When someone criticizes your relationship mishaps, always reminded them of their own failings. _"So… how's the marriage going Ororo?"_

Remind people that success is the norm for you. _"Another victory, how... ordinary."_

Let them hate, so long as they envy.

When somebody gets catty with you, kick it up a notch. _"You're so luck Sue. Not having to worry about other women taking any interest in Reed."_

Never let them throw your past in your face without returning fire. " _Oh, please. Don't try to blackmail me with_ _genocide_ _. Do you really want to compare notes? Where were the Avengers when_ _Genosha_ _died, Iron Man? Where were you when_ our _babies were burning?"_

Never let them see you cry. Better to be thought the cold bitch then a push over. Never let them know how much you really care.


	2. Chapter 2

**External glimpses of the Tao of Emma Frost**

Author's note: I wrote about more and then forgot about it. Well, here it is.

 **Part 2: Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen**

Why is everybody forever shouting her name in long drawn out howls of despair? Where are the long howls of grief for me? I distinctly do not recollect any cries for _"Emmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmma!"_ From anybody.

Dear God, what is she wearing? A full body costume with amour and a head enclosure painted, yes painted and not dyed, in primary colors blue and red? Is Jean shopping at Home Depot or the Sear's paint shop for ideas now? And that headdress looks stolen from Elf Quest for crying out loud. And an X painted on her belly like a target? You Jean are off the nemesis list as I wouldn't be caught dead in the same room with you wearing that. I guess the Phoenix was the one with good taste in clothing. I suppose you need the knee guards, but no need to advertise your services so hard darling.


End file.
